Dorset County Council - The Ten Commitments

 As we come to the end of another year we should both reflect on our experiences and the lessons we can learn from the last 12 months as well as project forward to 2024 with our hopes and aspirations. As part of this process I wanted to take some time to reflect on my relationship with Dorset County Council and in particular with the Dorset East Planning department including the 'Tree team'. 

So I need to give you some context. Just over 2 years ago my wife and I bought a small 1/2 acre piece of land in the stunning county of Dorset. The land hadn't been touched for over 70 years and was massively overgrown with ivy and native clematis strangling tree's. There were self sown invasive tree's that had damaged an old derelict building on the site. In short it was (and still is) utterly charming and beguiling. We lost of hearts and took a major chance to purchase the land and property. And so our rewilding project began as did our 'relationship' with the aforementioned Dorset East Planning department.

Dorset County Council (DCC)

For the record the following bullet points are the 5 guiding principles of Dorset County Council.

·         Driving economic prosperity

·         Creating stronger healthier communities

·         Creating sustainable development and housing

·         Protecting our natural environment, climate and ecology

·         Become a more responsive customer focused council

I simply wanted to put this out there because these are admiral aspirations and principles to work too.

My Ten Commitments

It is fair to say that my relationship with the various elements of DCC has been somewhat difficult. Unfortunately as someone with a huge amount of experience in project and service management I am comfortable in dealing with 'tricky' situations and believe passionately that dialogue is the way forward, even if those conversations are difficult.

However I am now a full time, published author and so I need to move forward with my life and pass that particular baton onto later generations to work out. With that in mind I have written this open letter to DCC to document how I will approach working with them going forward. I have adopted the approach of 'reciprocal behaviour'. I have somewhat grandiosely called it my Ten Commitments - enjoy!

1. I promise to love and obey Dorset County Council East Planning Department. As you sit in your Ivory Tower I should reflect that after all you guys only have my best interests (and those of my neighbours and the local flora and fauna) at heart.
2.  In future correspondence with you I promise to only answer the questions that I want too and ignore anything that I am uncomfortable with responding too.
3. I promise to charge you £575 for any advice that you seek from me. Obviously I will use my own interpretation of what this advice actually constitutes. Furthermore even though I promise to write a full report covering our discussions and any available options, I clearly will not provide this report. I reserve the right to only work on this 'advice' for 1 hour or part thereof.
4.  I promise to tell you how you should feel after I respond to you. I know that this will disappoint you…I know this is not what you want to hear…see I am practicing! Empathy is sharing feelings/thoughts not directing them.
5.  I promise to issue a hollow apology when I miss a response deadline, although I reserve the right to not apologise at all and simply dismiss any concerns that you might have.
6. I promise to behave unprofessionally and respond utilising red ink when I feel it ‘appropriate’. In fact I will also use CAPITALS when I want to ‘shout at you’. Furthermore I promise not to treat you as an individual and will not examine/review your case on an individual basis and will merely dismiss any concerns that you have as uninformed and misguided from my perspective.
7. For all future correspondence I will issue you incomprehensible forms for you to complete. Obviously I won’t provide any assistance with their completion even if you do pay £000’s for experts to contribute to their completion as per my insistence. You should also be aware, of course, that the policies I use are out of date and open to interpretation.
8. I promise to behave unethically and react to things that I have no just cause to react too and, when questioned, I will fudge my reasoning and tell you are wrong. Even if at a later date my reasoning is shown to be floored I promise not to change my mind and will continue to treat you with the contempt you deserve. I will exercise, furtively, my right to tread the path of least resistance as I really don't want to have to do any more work than is necessary especially as your views meaningless.
9. I promise to treat you as a ‘nobody’ should you have the temerity to challenge anything that I do or say. Additionally, I promise to provide misinformation or no information as I see fit.
10. Should any of the above cause you concern or complaint please rest assured that I will ignore any complaint you raise in line with my current complaint procedures.

Conclusion

So that's it really. We have spent several thousands of pounds to make the site safe by:

• removing branches from power lines (with council permission of course). removal of fallen tree's from the road and branches that were overhanging the neighbours property i.e. making the existing tree's safe.
• removed several tons of domestic rubbish either dumped by passing strangers over the years or remnants from the old buildings that were on site. Did you know that as a landowner you are responsible for the removal of any waste from your land not the council and that includes fly-tipped rubbish.
• we have had to safely demolish/remove one wall of a derelict building due to trees growing through it (a local surveyor has also advised us that the last remaining wall may also need to be taken down - again at our own expense)

And now that the site is safe we have abandoned it. It has been a financial disaster for us, the councils actions have incurred significant cost as well as devalued the land enormously. This has been done with malice and without any duty of care to the landowner. Even the local government ombudsman have accepted that councils are allowed to be operate unprofessionally and unethically as long as its 'legal'.

So before signing off I just wanted to take this opportunity to caution any individual thinking of buying their own little piece of heaven, please don't unless you are absolutely happy to work under that particular local councils restrictive practices despite their propaganda.

The Final Word

I am reminded of the great works of the wise old sage Rowan Atkinson when he said, "Blibble...blibbleblibble...blibbleblibbleblibble...blibble!"

I trust that you will agree with me that these words can provide hope for those without hope, comfort for those in need and succour for those who need......succouring!!

Have a fab 2024 !!